


After LA

by leighve_it_be



Category: Video Blogging RPF, cutiepiemarzia - Fandom, markiplier - Fandom
Genre: Cute, Declaration of Love, Denial of Feelings, Drunk confessions, Drunk idiots, Felix is a dork, Fluff, M/M, Mark is confused, Oblivious Mark, TOTALLY in character, Unrequited Love, felix is a mom, felix is septiplier trash, not really - Freeform, oblivious Sean, sean is sad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-21
Updated: 2016-05-07
Packaged: 2018-05-28 03:05:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6312868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leighve_it_be/pseuds/leighve_it_be
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After coming home from Mark's place in LA, Sean begins to realize somethings that he didn't realize before. </p><p>The fic is so much better than the summary. Please read!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first RPF ever and I haven't written fanfiction in years. (At least, anything worth while...) So please, be soft on me!

Looking around his shabby apartment, Sean closed his front door and set his suitcase down, sighing sadly. He had just gotten home from Los Angeles and, furthermore, Ryan, Matt, and Mark’s house where he had been for the past two weeks. Originally, he hadn’t meant to stay so long, but Mark had asked, and not even a boss like Sean could deny his little puppy face. But now, he was home. Alone. 

Leaving his suitcase by the door, the man sighed before walking into his main room and falling face forward into his sofa, sighing unhappily. It hadn't even been that long since he had seen his friends. Less than a day, for sure. But he was so alone. He had no neighbors--or well, none that he really talked to due to not really knowing them. He had moved so much in the recent years because of hacking and releasing his address that he decided just not to really get attached to those around him. Which was fine, except that meant he really didn’t talk to anyone except online, like Mark.

Mark. Sean unfortunately found himself thinking more and more of the American man nowadays. Sean knew he wasn’t gay. Sean was straight. That didn’t mean he couldn’t appreciate the male form. Especially Mark’s toned figure. He works out and Sean appreciates that. And his face was just so cute but in a best friend kind of way. Sure, Sean thought about him a lot and, sure, he could help but want to be around him all the time, but that’s what friends did, right? 

Groaning, Sean eventually stood up and rubbed his face as if he was trying to rub away the weird emotions. Hearing a little ding, the Irish youtuber grabbed his phone and checked his messages and smiled.

**Hey loser. You get back to the lucky land o’ da Irish yet? -Markimoo**

Rolling his eyes and chuckling gently, he quickly typed back:  _ At least my country is luckier than your mum last night after I was done with her! _

**Wow, Jackaboy, I thought your ass was all mine. Don't make me jealous of my own mom!**

_ You wish this ass was yours! It's too good for someone like you! _

**Just go ahead and break my little heart! Shatter it into a million pieces, why don't you!**

**Here lies the tattered, torn pieces of Markiplier’s sorrowful heart! Ruined by the scathing denial from Jack the jerk!**

Unable to hold back a hearty laugh, Sean went to his bag and pulled out his laptop before throwing himself back into the sofa. Waking it up, he looked at his still open tabs and internally groaned at his own weirdness. One tab for Twitter (Mark's, not his) (which was totally fine because Mark was his friend and he was allowed to look at his friend's Twitter), one for Tumblr (Septiplier tag) (also totally fine because it was funny and creative. Not weird at all), and one for YouTube (just of music, thank god. He didn't need anything else incriminating). Looking back at his forgotten phone, Sean giggled as he read the mass amount of messages.

**Oh and now you're ignoring me?!**

**Just ignore my broken heart, why don't you?!**

**You heartless Irish bastard!**

**OH THE SONY!**

**I MEANT AVON!**

**God damn it!**

**AGONY!**

**Are you dead?**

**Can I have your camera if you are?**

_ My god, just Skype me already, you dingus! _

**I'm not having Skype sex with you.**

Rolling his eyes, Sean couldn't help but wonder what their shippers would have to say about their messages. Switching on his availability on Skype, he then called Mark, hoping he didn't look too jet lagged from the trip. Sean didn't really care what Mark thought, obviously, but he didn't like looking /bad/. 

“Hey dinglefritz! Who're you calling a dingus!?”

Smiling, Sean retorted, “You, you dingus! And no you can't have my camera! All you'd get from me is my final curse!”

“Oh no! I'd have to hear your ridiculous accent all the time?!”

“Excuse you?” Sean giggled, trying to seem offended. “/I/ was going to say that I'd forever be eating your hidden treats, but, wow! Rude much?”

“You still haven't paid me back for my Cheeze-Its yet, you leprechaun!”

“How dare you offend my people?!”

Mark laughed, giving the banter up there. Sean laughed with him, looking down at his keyboard for a moment before looking back at Mark. The Irish man watched the other run a hand through his blue floofy hair and Sean couldn’t help but trace his way down Mark’s arm, finding himself unable to stop himself. He was wearing his red flannel that Sean loved so much. No because it was Mark’s or anything slightly gay like that, he blinked, forcibly trying to listen to whatever the man was saying. It was because it looked good. Very boss like. The red just brought out the red undertones in his skin. Red undertones that really looked nice in anything Mark ever wore. Or didn’t wear.

Sean blushed slightly when he realized what he had been thinking about and, of course, Mark /had/ to notice.

“Jack? Are you okay? You look a little… out of it…?”

Meeting the slightly older man’s gaze, he cleared his throat awkwardly. “Y-yeah, o’ course. Just a little lagged from the freakin’ fourteen hour trip. And this is why I shouldn’t visit you. Next time, you come ‘ere, hmm?” Sean teased. 

“And deal with yoooou for two weeks? I’d never!” Mark laughed as Sean faked offense.

“And to think I was ever goin’ ta pay you back for those Cheeze-It’s…!”

“You better or else--”

“Or else what?”

“Or else I’ll come up there and whoop your ass myself.”

Flushing at the thought, Sean shook his head and rolled his eyes at him again. “Ya wish you could whoop my arse.”

“You know I could do more than whoop that ass on you.”

Knowing his cheeks were bright red by just how warm he was, Sean tried to stop this whole conversation. Really there was no reason for blushing. He must be tired and therefore more reactive to their fake, totally straight, no homo flirting. “Don’t you have a comments video to do?”

“Jackaboy’s embaaarrasssed! Ha!” Mark giggled and Sean shook his head quickly.

“N-no! O’ course not, you doof! Why would someone of such a high caliber of being be embarrassed over something a doof like you said?!”

Looking at him almost sensually (no, Sean, NO), Mark grinned and said in his really low voice, “Because you are madly in love with me.” 

With wide eyes, Sean scoffed. “Wh--n-no! O’ course not! I’m totally and completely straight! I mean, you’re very attractive and you’d be a great boyfriend… To someone else, I mean! Yeah, and--”

“Sean? I was joking.”

Everything stopped. “Yeah, well, I mean… Um…”

“Sean? Is there something you want to tell me?”

With that, Sean knew what he had to do. 

He immediately ended the call.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens when you ignore a concerned friend?

Sean couldn't believe how stupid he had been. He should have known he was teasing him. He always teased him! That's what they did! Groaning, he face planted into the sofa, making sure his laptop was safe on the coffee table before screaming into the pillow. How could he have been so stupid!

Sean could hear the chiming of his laptop, knowing Mark was trying to call him back. Hanging up had been a terrible idea, he realized, purposefully ignoring the call and feeling a little bad about it. If Sean had just been able to laugh off the stupid remark about living him, which Sean did not, everything would have been normal! But noooo! He just had to get all flustered and gross. He had even called Mark attractive, for Christ's sake!

Hearing the chiming from his computer again, Sean whined and got up, shutting the lid so that he would go offline instead of having to reject the calls. It was barely two minutes later when his phone began playing _his_ outro song. Why was Mark so insistent on talking about this? It was so stupid! Obviously Sean didn’t have feelings for the American. He was completely straight! There was not a single not straight bone in his body!

The song started again as Mark tried calling again. Sean ignored it.

And then again.

And again.

And again.

Panic and anger rising in his chest, Sean picked up the offending object and threw it hard against the wall where it made an awful cracking sound before landing with a thud onto the hardwood floor. He knew it had broken. Of course it had. That was JUST his luck. At least he wouldn’t hear Mark’s ringtone anymore. Sean sighed, walking to the broken phone and picking it up. Making his way to his recording room, he placed it on the counter, knowing that it’d be a while before he went to replace it. Sitting in his chair, the Irish man sighed again, not really wanting to record a video but knowing that, if he didn’t do it now, he would forget and his fans would get mad at him for going off schedule. So he started up Happy Wheels, knowing his fans would love to see another one of those, even if he really didn’t feel up to it.

“TOP O’ THE MORNIN’ T’ YA LADDIES! MY NAME’S JACKSEPTICEYE AND WELCOME BACK TO HAAAAAPPY WHEELS! …”

* * *

 

An hour or two later, Sean ended the video with his usual happy outro, wiping the sweat from his forehead. He always got way to energetic over these stupid levels, but at least he had forgotten about stupid Mark. Or well, that’s what he had told himself. Logging into Twitter, he remembered all too suddenly his problem. His DM box was full and Mark had sent him so many… Reading a few, Sean felt bad for what he had done.

**Jack, please answer my calls.**

**Jack.**

**I’m not upset but we need to talk.**

**Jack!**

**Why aren’t you answering me?**

**Please, Jack.**

**Sean.**

**I’ll do anything.**

**Just please answer!**

**Why won't you goddamn answer me!**

**Sean?**

**Are you okay?**

**Please tell me you’re okay.**

**I’m sorry, Sean.**

**I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.**

**Please!**

**I’m sorry…**

 

Sean wiped his eyes with his shirt sleeve, feeling terrible for how he had treated Mark. It wasn’t his fault that Sean was so stupid. Wiping his eyes once more, he saw he had DMs from Felix as well.

 

Jackieee. Mark’s freaking out. What did you do to him? 

Did you not kiss him goodbyeeee? 

Mark wants me to go over and see if you’re okay 

Are you ignoring him? 

Are you ignoring me????????? 

You better have a good reason for that 

He’s very upsetti, spagetti 

I will come visit you if you don’t answer me soon, Jackieeeeeeeeeee. 

JACKK 

I’LL NEVER LET GO JACK 

That’s it 

I’m taking the 2 hour long trip to find you 

MAKE SURE YOU AREN’T DEAD 

OR WORSE 

HANGING OUT WITH MALCOM_1466 

I’ll bring edgar if you don’t answer rn 

He’s a jerk 

So are you 

 

Groaning, Sean began typing a quick answer to Felix: _Felix, I’m fine. My phone broke and Mark is overreacting. You and Edgar definitely should not come by._

Too late! Edgar and I are on our waaaayyy! 

_Felix. Please._

Jack. Please. 

_Won’t Marzia miss you?_

Noooooo… She’s at Daizo’s for the weekend 

I’m already at the ferry stationnnnn 

Edgar wants to be a loser with you 

 

Sean whined awkwardly, rubbing his face roughly as if to rub all these stupid issues away. If he had just not messaged stupid Mark back, stupid Felix wouldn’t be annoying him. There was NO reason for all this to be happening. Why did this have to happen to HIM of all people? He really didn’t deserve this.

_Really? Please don’t come Felix. I just got home from the airport and I was just about to go to bed._

TOOOO LATEEE 

Besides Mark would kill me if I didn’t 

And I kinda like living 

 

Sean took a moment and realized that Felix wouldn’t give in, so he sighed, messaging him back: _Fine. I’ll pick you up at the ferry station._

What was he getting himself into, he worried.


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felix comes to town.

Sean hated the ferry station. He hated everything about it: the smell of fish and piss, the stuffy crowd, the loud chattering. Wasn't Felix's stupid ferry here yet? Sighing, Sean looked around again for the millionth time since he had gotten there thirty minutes ago. Stupid Swedish asshole…

“JACK!” a loud voice called, accompanied by a small bark.

Locking eyes with the blonde man, Sean glared at him. “Wasn't yer ferry s’posed t’ be here half ‘n hour ago?”

Felix shrugged and looked around, “Well, it was here. But then I got recognized by some faaaann…. And then we were talkiiiiinng…” He giggled slightly as Sean groaned. 

“Fine, but can we go now? Or ev’n bett’r, is there a ferry back t’ the UK yet?” Sean pouted, standing up and starting to walk off. 

Feeling a hand on his shoulder, Sean glared at the ground at Felix's feet, crossing his arms. “Bro. You seem really upset, what's wrong?”

“I dunno, Felix! Maybe ‘cos y’ practically showed up at my door ‘n didn't even ask b’fore comin’?” The Irish man almost yelled exasperatedly.

He knew the Swedish youtuber was looking him over and trying to “figure" him out. There was nothing to figure out! Nothing was wrong with him! After a long, slightly awkward moment, Sean sighed apologetically.

“ ‘M sorry, man. It’s jus’… I jus’ got home and ‘m really tired and then Mark was being stupid like usual and… I don’t know. I jus’ wanna forget ‘bout it, bro…” 

Smiling again, Felix nodded in understanding. “How’s about you and I drop off all my stuff and Edgar, then you can take me to the local pubs and unwind a bit, hmm?”

Sean bobbed his head slightly, the corner of his mouth turning up slightly as he silently held his hand out, taking one of his friend’s bags. The two men fell into an easy conversation about new games and such as they caught a cab and dropped off Felix’s things at his flat, letting Edgar sniff around before they went to the local pub.

* * *

Barely a few drinks in and both the Irish and the Swedish man felt a bit tipsy. That was always the best thing about Irish drinks, Sean had decided, they may not look or taste pretty but at least they messed you up real fast. Of course, Felix rarely drank, so it really only took his very little to get buzzed and he was trying his hardest to keep up with Sean stupidly.

“So, Jack, what is the deal between you and Mark anyways? He was acting like you were dyin’ or something…”

Sighing, Sean had known that his friend would bring the topic up eventually. “It really ‘s stupid… He ‘n I, y’know, we allllwayys get into our banter, y’know? ‘S a li’l sexual soundin’, yeh, but, I mean, it ain’t nothin’ t’ really fuck ‘ff m’bout. But, like, ‘s been weird. I dunno, y’know?”

Felix nodded, trying to wrap his tired and drunken mind around not only the content but the slurred Irish accent. “No, I don’t get it, Jackie… Like, mmm… Like, what happened that made you, like, stop talking to him? He sounded really upset...”

“I screwed up, Fel… I start’d feelin’ weird about us, y’know, after comin’ back from LA… I jus’ kep’ thinkin’ ‘bout how much fun I ‘ad and ‘ow lonely it is up ‘ere. Like, shit, bro… There’s sno one I talk t’ ‘ere… God ‘ts so stupid!”

Sean set his elbows on the table before hiding his face in the sleeves of his jumper upsettedly. “ ‘M sorry, bro… Y’ got dragged int’ nothin’ inportant and ‘ts real stupid.”

“Just tell me, eh?”

So, the man recounted the embarrassing story, having to repeat himself a few times when the alcohol affecting his brain had slurred his words too much for the other. Once done, they sat for a moment in silence, Sean feeling bad and embarrassed all over again.

“Jȁvla helveta.”

“Ye. Wha’ever that means.”

“You’re in love with him, aren’t you.”

Felix hadn’t said it as a question. Did he need to? Didn’t Sean already know the answer to that question, if it were to be asked? There was no way he could ever possibly be in love with Mark Fischbach. Mark was one of his best friends. Straight as a beam Mark. Speaking of straight, Sean knew he was straight. He had loved his other female partners in the past. He had never felt attraction to another man in his life. Was he not straight? 

Though he was decidedly not religious, he still had a lot of those deeply rooted, Irish Catholic ideas stuck in him. Was it bad to be gay? Of course not, but there could be no way that Sean could be. 

Noticing his internal struggles, Felix put a soft hand on his shoulder. “Sean… It’s alright, you know.”

If they weren’t inside in the too hot and humid pub, Sean might have mistook the wetness on his cheekbone for Irish rain. Taking in a shaky breath, he suddenly pushed away from the counter, slammed some amount of euros down, and exited the bar, a stunned Felix rushing behind him.

“Sean, you need to talk about this--”

“Or wot, Felix? Why d’nt y’ jus’ leave me ‘lone and… and tell Mark t’ d’ de same! I don’t need anyone tellin’ me tha’ ’m in love when ’m not. ’M fuckin’ straigh’ as a fuckin’ ruler, m’kay?” The man yelled in frustration.

Shaking his head, Felix sighed. “It’s okay not to be, you know. You don’t have to be straight… If you like Mark, that nothing to be ashamed of.”

Sean glanced over the man before speaking. “Ye, I know… Bu’ I can’t be… I can’t ‘ave feelin’s for Mark. ‘E’s one o’ my best o’ friends, ye? Even if I did, like ‘im, I mean, ‘e and I…” He trailed off, rubbing his eyes with his shirt sleeve and taking a deep, yet shaky, breath. “ ‘E wouldn’t like me that way. Why would ‘e? I’m nothin’ special…”

“Sean… You can’t really believe that? Everyone’s seen how much you two care for each other. Fucking hell, I’d be surprised if he  _ isn’t  _ madly in love with you. Why do you THINK fanfiction between you two is a thing?” Felix ranged in frustration. 

Looking over him, he shook his head and bit hard on his lip. “I… I don't wan’ ‘im to hate me… I don't want my fans to hate me. I don't want people to hate me…”

“And they won't. They'll understand. If they really are your fans, they'll be happy for you. Mark won't hate you. I can almost certainly promise that… Why don't we go back to your flat, hmm? Tomorrow, I'll help you decide what you're going to go about Mark. You can't just ignore him,” the Swedish man spoke sagely.

After a moment of silence, Sean smiled halfway, “You aren't even close to bein’ drunk, are ya. Yer too smart to be.”

Chuckling to himself, Felix led them to the road and flagged down a cab, “Let's just go back home, hmm, you drunk skunk.”

“I'm not a skunk.”

“Of course you aren't.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took so long to get this up. I'm writing it as I go along and I've been to busy and stressed out, I haven't had any inspiration. Thank you all for reading this though!


	4. Chapter Four

There was something wet on his face. That was the first thing he noticed. Sitting up suddenly, there was a small yelp and pain engulfed his head. Cautiously opening his eyes, Sean forced himself to brave the painful light streaming in through the window. 

Taking inventory of his surroundings, the Irish man first saw Edgar climbing back up onto his lap. That must have been the wet thing. Secondly, he noticed that they were in his recording room. And there was an empty whiskey bottle laying open on the floor. Felix was snoring slightly next to him and his video camera was a bit off to the side, not in its normal place. That couldn’t be good. Shit, he thought.

Standing up, Sean nearly puked. He must have drank the majority of the whiskey, Felix being such a lightweight and all. Not that him drinking that much was a good thing. He was definitely regretting that now. Heading off the toilet to take a piss, he realized he couldn’t remember anything after they went back to his flat. 

When he picked up his laptop and checked online (like usual), his social media accounts were exploding in messages, he noted anxiously. What had Felix and him done last night? Checking a couple, they ranged from happy (“SO PROUD OF YOU JACK!” as one had practically yelled at him) to hateful (“ur suposed to play videogames not be a stupid fgt"). But there was one important one that caught his eye immediately. 

**Contact me please. We need to talk about this. -Mark**

Oh god, he worried, what the hell had they done last night? Going into his YouTube, he saw a new video titled: AdMiting”. It had the most views any of his videos had ever gotten. He clicked on it, hoping to god it wasn't what he thought it was.

 

* * *

 

“Top o’ da mornin’ t’ ya or wha’ever da feck I say!” Felix's giggle cut through his own words and Sean had shushed him. 

“Stupid feckin’ Felix… come inta my countri’ and laugh a’ me, mmm? I though’ y’ wan’ed me t’ do this!”

“I do! Keep’e goin’!” The Swedish man slurred. (Hungover Sean was going to kill Felix for this.)

“Den lemme continya!” Video Sean had flailed his arms around before speaking. “Now lil fans. Imagine this: there's a perfect fuckin’ guy. The hottes’, sweetes’ guy ever. BUT y’ live like worlds away and ‘e’s super feckin’ straigh’ and ’e’s  yer best friend, y'know? And, like, y’shouldn't like ‘im like dis, but ‘e's perfect. Imagine that. 

“Now imagine that yer always feckin’ lonely as shit. Alone in stupid Irel’nd where dere’s only potatoes and rain. Imagine that y’ get kinda sad about it sometimes.” Video Sean took a small breath in and it got very silent. 

“Imagine that there’s only one person who always makes y’ feel better, jus’ by lookin’ at their stupid face. Imagine that you were once jus’ta fan and, now, y’ talk almos’ ev’ryday. Imagine that ‘e makes y’ feel like yer worth it all. That y’ can be happy. That y’ can be perfect too…  Imagine that this perfect feckin’ guy spent two weeks wif ya and y’ tried y’ ‘ardest ta get over ‘im but you jus’ fall in luv wif ‘im more. An’ it gets ta the point wher’ you can’t even look at ‘im wifout wonderin’ if ‘e and you…” Video Sean stopped and took a deep breath. In the silence, one could hear soft sniffles coming from the man off screen. 

“I’m sorry for bein’ so off t’day but I needed t’ get it out. Mark’s just so… Perfect an’ ‘e cares so much for ev’ryone. I didn’t wanna admit it but I’m in love wif the stupid doofus an’ I dunno what t’ do about it. I love that stupid doofus… I love Mark.”

The video ended there and Sean sat there, shocked too much to do anything. He had done that. He had made a video about those stupid emotions and he had published it. For the whole world could see it. Had his family seen it? He knew Mark had--

Mark had seen the video. Mark knew. Mark knew that Sean had feelings for him. Shit, he thought, anxiety building in his chest. He breath was shallow and he paced around his flat, pulling his hair almost completely out.

“Jack?”

Turning and facing the pained sounding Swedish man, he instantly started yelling. “How could you talk me into this?! I can’t believe that this is happening… What’s Mark going to say? He’s going to hate me! Oh god…”

“Ja-- J-- Sean! Shut up for a moment, eh?”

He paused and Felix took a deep breath. “He would never hate you. Have you seen the way he looks at you? The way he talks about you? Helvetta, Mark loves you. Whether that’s in a friend kinda way or a romantic way doesn’t matter. He loves the shit out of you.”

A moment of silence fell over the room. “I’m sorry for yelling at you, Felix.”

“It’s fine but can you not anymore? It hurts a little bit from the drinks we had.”

Smiling slightly, Sean’s cheeks reddened slightly. “I forgot, sorry. Want coffee?”

The blonde man opened his mouth to agree before suddenly remembering something. “I don’t want it if you’re making it. I’ll make it. I really rather not die from Irish caffeine sludge.”

“It’s not that bad!” Sean chuckled, heading to the kitchen, trying not to think about all the drama going on.

“It is. Besides, you are going to go to your room and call Mark.”

His smile fading, Sean looked down for a moment before trying to make fun of this whole situation, “But Ma… Do I gotta?”

“Yes. Yes you do,” Felix grinned before pushing him back in the general direction of the room. “And don’t come back down until you have called him and worked this all out.’

Steeling himself, the Irish man nodded and left without another word, sitting at his computer and loading it up, his mouse hovering over the call button. Finally, he clicked and listened to it ring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to finish loves! I actually only started writing this chapter today and now I'm posting it! Hope Y'all like it!
> 
> Oh and I think there's only a couple of chapters left!


	5. Chapter Five

Barely one ring had soiled the quiet of the room around him before Mark’s face appeared on the screen. 

“Jack...” the man had breathed out, trailing off when he realized he didn’t know what to say. 

Looking over him, Sean noticed the dark bags under his eyes and the blue hair that was messy from running his hands through it again and again. This was his fault, he realized. He was causing all of Mark’s stress; he was a shitty friend. A good friend wouldn’t be in love with them. A good friend wouldn’t hurt their friend so much just by being stupid. His mouse hovering over the “End Call” button, Sean remembered what Felix had said. He couldn’t hang up now. He needed to talk about this.

Sighing, the Irishman looked down at his lap, unable to meet Mark’s deep mahogany eyes in shame, unsure of what to say. Silence filled the room like a poisonous gas to the point where Sean could almost feel it weighing down on him painfully.

“That video... Jack, I--”

“I was drunk. I didn’t--

“Don’t lie, Sean. Not right now please.”

That silence came back, Sean unable to speak. 

“Jack, I just...” Mark paused, looking around his room. “I was the last person to see it. Everyone knew before I did. Everyone knew about... This before I did... Why... Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Would y’ ‘ave wanted to know?” Sean accused, getting upset. “Y’ don’t seem very ‘appy about it! Feckin’ hell, Mark! Telling you all that shit would’ave been like signin’ my own death note!”

The man on the other side of the screen bit his lip before swallowing. “I admit, I don’t know how I would’ve reacted but it would have been better than you and Felix making a stupid drunk vlog about it. Now people are expecting me to respond! How am I supposed to respond, Sean?”

Mark didn’t like him the same way. Sean knew that’s what he meant. He had known that Mark wouldn’t feel that way. So why did he feel like shit about knowing it definitely. 

“I care about you Sean but…”

“But y’ don't return the feelin’s, right? Mark, y’ don't have to tell me that, okay? I get it. It doesn't matter!”

The American tried to interrupt but Sean couldn't take it, feeling his eyes start to burn. “I have to go, Mark. I have a guest, remember?”

“Sean! God damn it! Listen to me!”

The silence came again before Mark spoke again. “Please just listen. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. But I know that it needs to be addressed, no matter what I think about it. God, I don’t even know how I feel about it! I don’t understand any of this... I care about you, Sean. A lot. More than I should, really. You’re my best friend and I don’t want to lose you. Not now, not ever. I just...” Mark trailed off, shaking his head and running his fingers through his hair. 

“I love you, but I don’t know if I love you that way... This is new to me, Sean. I haven’t dated in years and I don’t know how it would work between us and I don’t want to risk our friendship. I can’t lose you. And if I fuck up... I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself.”

Nodding softly, Sean swallowed hard, trying to ignore the lump in his throat and the water in his eyes. “I understand, Mark. I understand. I’m gonna take the video down and we can forget about it. I’ll tell t’ fans it t’was a prank, okay?”

The American agreed silently and that hateful silence rang over the room again. 

“I should go,” Mark finally started. “I still need to record my videos of the day and I’m sure you need to as well.”

Sean bit his lip and  “You’re late like usual...?”

“Yeah... Bye, Jack.”

“Bye, Mark.”

As Mark hung up, Sean sat there in the stupid silence, feeling sick to his stomach. He had known that the other man wouldn’t feel that way towards him. Why should he? There was literally nothing Sean could think of that would make Mark even start to think about him in that way. Heading to his channel, he made the video private, unable to fully delete it. He knew he had to make a video about how it was all just a “joke”, but he had no energy in him to turn on his camera and lie to everyone. 

Leaving the recording room, the Irish man ignored Felix’s calls from the kitchen and, instead, left to his room and, after closing the door, laid face down on his bed. It wasn't even two minutes before he heard his friend knock on his door. 

“Jack? What happened, bro?"

He couldn't speak. His throat felt so tight and painful, no word could come out. The only sound he could make was a small, shaky sob.

“Oh…” the Swedish man realized what has happened quickly, pausing for a minute before continuing. “Can I come in?” After getting no response, he walked in, sitting on the foot of the bed. 

The room was quiet. Neither knew really what to say. It was obvious that Felix, while usually being the emotional one of the two, didn't know how to help in these kind of situations. Sean felt bad for being so stupidly emotional and making Felix uncomfortable. Jesus, he was such a terrible, shitty friend. First, he falls in love with one and makes him uncomfortable, then, he gets upset and makes the other friend he has upset too. 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Clearing his throat painfully, he shook his head. “I jus’ wanna forget…”

“You can't forget about it. It's important to remember these kind of things, Jack. They're what make you, you,” Felix looked him over, speaking softly.

“I don't want it t’make me". I want it t’ go away. I don't want t’ think about it. I don't want t’ remember it next time we talk, if we ever talk again’ “make me”... I want it t’ just go away. I wish I wasn’t so feckin’ stupid… Why’d I have t’ be so stupid, Fel? I should’da known ‘e could never feel tha’ way fer me...” Hot tears running down his face, Sean couldn’t stop himself from hiccuping in despair. 

Suddenly being pulled into his friend’s arms, Sean couldn’t stop himself anymore. Sobs violently ripped out of his chest and filled the room. They must have sat there for hours but it couldn’t have been more that ten minutes. 

“I… I’m sorry, Fel… I’m sorry…” Sean started but the man cut him off.

“No, don’t apologize. Don’t, please,” he begged softly, wiping the remaining tears off his cheeks with a quick thumb. “I care too much about you for you to apologize. I understand why you’re upset. You have every right to be upset. You love him and he doesn’t return that, right?”

Sean nodded softly, looking at his lap. “He wants me to make a video saying that it was a joke. He wants to forget about it.”

Felix was quiet, looking as though he was thinking hard about it as he began rubbing the others hand. “I’m sorry. This is mostly my fault, so I’m really sorry Jack... He obviously isn’t the one for you. You’ll meet the perfect person someday.” 

Looking at the small smile Felix was giving him, Sean couldn’t help but smile slightly back, feeling slightly better. “Ye, maybe...”

“No, I know it! You will and they will be great, whoever they are!” The Swedish man’s smile grew larger as determination blossomed in the other’s chest.

“Thank y’, Fel.”

Nodding softly, Felix stood and pulled Sean with him. “Now, what about that coffee?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soo... I decided to go a different way than originally intended so it gonna get sad now. But it will have a happy ending, I promise!


	6. Chapter Six

Three days had past since he had last talked to Mark. He had made the video, “explaining” how it had all been a “joke”. Their fans didn't believe him. Rewatching the video, he didn't believe himself either. Felix had stayed with him those three days, keeping his spirits up by working on collaborations with him and generally keeping his mind off of… Him. But late at night, he let his mind wander. He let himself feel the overbearing sadness. He let himself cry. And if Felix noticed, he said nothing, only giving him a hug each morning.

But the time for the Swedish man to leave had come. Marzia had come home and wanted him back and he had understood (and if he had felt any jealousy over the fact that Felix was loved, he didn’t let himself acknowledge it). So Sean took him and Edgar to the ferry station, watching them go and definitely didn't tear up at the thought of being alone again. 

Getting home, he sat his sofa, looking around and feeling the silence surround him. He needed out of this flat, he decided, grabbing his wallet and coat, heading to the nearest pub to get smashed, even if it was pretty early.

Getting there quickly, Sean barely noticed the small congregations in the corners of the bar. Ordering a few shots of whiskey, he deeply hoped that none of them recognized him. He didn’t want people to know he was here right now. Knocking them back quickly, he winced and ordered more whiskey and a Guinness, getting himself ready for a long night.

* * *

 

“ ‘Aven’tcha ‘ad ‘nough there, mate?”

The green haired man glared at the barman for a moment, “O’course not, or I wouldn’ be askin’ fer anothur, would I?”

Giving up, the man filled a couple more shot glasses (“As long as y’ ain’t drivin’...” he had added) and Sean threw them back hard, slamming the glasses onto the bar. He noticed more people coming in as he glanced around hazily, meaning the end of the work day had come. That mean there were more people that could recognize him. Slinking lower into his seat, he put up his hood on his jumper and sighed, deciding to nurse his third, or maybe fourth, Guinness.

Zoning out as he stared at the grain of the bar, the man barely noticed the young woman sliding next to him and ordering a drink for herself. 

“You’re Jacksepticeye, right?”

Sharply turning his head to face the woman, he almost didn’t answer, save for the small nod and slightly worried look. She was silent again, Sean took a long drink from his beer, wondering if he should leave. Someone had recognized him. They’d soon take a picture and upload it and everyone would see and ask him what was wrong and he really didn’t want that. Quickly finishing his drink, the man stood up and tried to walk, stumbling against the bar painfully. 

“Hey, wait, Jack…! You’re going to get yourself hurt,” the woman reached out, grabbing his arm. “Is everything okay…?”

“ ‘Course it isn’t! Does it look like ever’thin’s okay?” He tried to yell but his voice cracked and he felt hot tears come to his eyes. 

She quickly pulled him out of the hot bar before Sean could protest. In the cold, misty air, he could feel her eyes on him. “It’s going to be okay, whatever it is. Why don’t you and I get a cab and I’ll take you home, okay?”

Unconsciously, he felt himself nod and she smiled softly at him. She had a very nice smile, very pretty, he noted. 

“Wot’s yer name?” He asked as she hailed a cab.

“Signe. Signe Hansen.”

“Sean. Sean McLoughlin…”

“I kinda knew that,” she giggled and Sean looked away awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck, unsure of what to do. 

“Don’t worry about it, Jack. You’re drunk, it’s okay… The truth is I’m a pretty big fan of yours and, really, anything you do is kind of endearing,” she giggled again and he smiled slightly.

“Well, it’s always nice t’ meet a fan, y’ know. ‘M jus’ sorry it hadta be like this.”

The woman had opened her mouth to speak when a cab rolled up to the pair. Stumbling to get inside, Sean mumbled his address to the cabbie, forgetting that, as a “celebrity”, he really shouldn’t be throwing his address around for anyone to get to. It didn’t occur to him that he might have to move again if his address got leaked--again.

The ride itself was quiet. Not silent, but quiet. The heavy silence he had felt for three days was missing, he softly noted to himself beofre the cab stopped outside his flat. As they got out, the cab left quickly, leaving the pair alone. 

“It’s, um, ‘ard t’ find a cab out ‘ere at this time o’ night,” Sean stared at the ground. “Would y’ want ta’ come in fer a bit? Maybe the night?”

Quietly, Signe smiled and nodded. “I’d like that…”

Smiling back at her softly, Sean struggled to open the door, finally letting her take over for him after a bit. “Y’ can take m’ bed. I’ll sleep on m’ sofa, m’kay?”

She shook her head. “No, you need your bed. I’ll sleep out in the living room.”

“Wot if we both take my bed then, cos we aren’t goin’ t’ agree ‘bout this otherwise. I promise I won’t do anythin’ weird or fucked up.”

It was quiet for a moment as Signe thought about it, smiling as she finally nodded, taking his hand and letting him lead them to his room.

* * *

He felt the hand before he realized what was going on. Cuddling further into the warm body at his side, Sean smiled and sighed, mumbling in his foggy, half asleep state.

“Mmmm… Hi…” a small woman’s voice rang out.

Shocked by the lack of a deep, masculine voice, he sat up quickly, dropping her back onto the bed as his eyes widened in anxiety. It was the girl from last night, he knew that much, but he couldn’t remember anything about her or even about last night. Had they had sex? Had he accidentally said Mark’s name while having sex with her? Oh god… 

“Jack, what’s wrong?”

“What--?”

“Happened last night? You were smashed so I took you home. I tried to get you to sleep but you started crying and I felt so bad that I laid down and we kind of…” The blush on her cheeks scared him as she continued, “You kissed me, but we mostly cuddled! I promise!”

“Mostly?” Sean asked sharply, turning to her stiffly, ignoring his aching head.

“Well, we were kissing a lot and you… well… you kept saying how you were in love with me and how you wanted to be with me. You left a few love marks. That’s it, luv…” Kissing his cheek, she then stood up and strut to the bathroom, leaving him to his emotions.

Sean didn’t even know her name. That was the first thought running through his mind. He didn’t know anything about her and now, she thought he loved her. Oh god. He was going to have to tell her. He’d have to break up with her. He’d have to break her heart… The Irish man bit his lip hard before standing (ignoring the way he teetered dangerously). 

“Um, hey… I think we ought t’ talk. Um, I wasn’t really, y’know, totally there las’ night and, well, I think you’re probably a really nice girl and I wanna thank you for takin’ me on home, but…” He tried, startled slightly when the door opened. She was very pretty with her long brown hair and almost wistful nature. The kind of girl he would have dated if not for… His thoughts stopped and he smiled, realizing at the great opportunity that had landed into his lap. 

“But what, Jack?”

Weighing the pros and cons of what he was  about to do, Sean sighed softly and smiled at her. “I don’t remember anythin’ from las’ night and I feel really bad… Why don’t I take you out to breakfast and I’ll get t’ know ya, like a good possible boyfriend.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I reeeallly hate this chapter but I felt more obligated to write it and publish it so here you go. I brought in Wiishu even though I don't really know her. DISCLAIMER: I loooove Jack and Signe together and they are so cute!


End file.
